100 Military Dad Jokes

Looking for some hilarious military jokes to share with your friends and family? Check out these 100 military dad jokes that are so bad they are good!

Top 100 Funny Military Jokes

Top 100 military jokes is a collection of military jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing.! Guaranteed to get a chuckle out of any soldier or veteran. Get ready to laugh your head off with these hilarious military jokes.

1. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels!
2. What did the general do when he broke up with his girlfriend? Gave her the boot!
3. Why were the military beds so uncomfortable? Because they were filled with Army men!
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick. Just like what the drill sergeant throws at ya!
5. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
6. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
7. Why don’t somePrivates ever shower? Cause they’re always walking around!
8. What do you call a French tank? A Renault. badum tssh
9. What’s brown and sticky? A stick. Same one the general was talkin’ about earlier!
10. How do soldiers order their coffee? Medium rare please!
11. Why don’t generals like afternoon coffee? Too many privates!
12. How do military men Floss? Bayonets between the teeth!
13. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
14. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
15. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
16. What do you call a thoughtful private? A sergeant!
17. What do you call a boiler with no water? A very hot topic!
18. How do crazy soldiers shop? In combat gear!
19. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they’d be chicken sedans!
20. How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say, “Sh*t”? Get a parrot to sit on her shoulder and keep saying “Polly want a cracker!”
21. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
22. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? The recruit queue!
23. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
24. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
25. Why don’t somePrivates ever shower? Cause they’re always walking around!
26. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they’d be chicken sedans!
27. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
28. What’s the best way to stop navy sauce boiling over the sides of the pan? Send in the Marines!
29. Where do you find a tamed military unit? In the rearguard!
30. How do crazy paratroopers go shopping? In combat gear!
31. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space!
32. What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
33. Why don’t tires ever vote in elections? Because they’re apolitical!
34. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
35. How do military men Floss? Bayonets between the teeth!
36. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
37. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four they’d be chicken sedans!
38. How do crazy soldiers shop? In combat gear!
39. What do dentists call their x-rays? Toothpics
40. 40.Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
41. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
42. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
43. What do you call a nosy pepper? Gets jalapeno business!
44. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
45. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
46. What does a hat do when it’s hot? It takes off its band!
47. What stays in the corner but travels all around the world? A stamp
48. I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.
49. How do you make akle soup? Throw it in the pot and add some feet!
50. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!
51. Why don’t crabs ever give to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
52. What has many keys but can’t open a single lock? A piano.
53. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
54. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
55. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
56. What stays in the corner but travels all around the world? A stamp
57. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere!
58. What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
59. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s too tired!
60. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s wearable.
61. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
62. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus!
63. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
64. Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off? He’s all right now.
65. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
66. Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
67. How do crazy soldiers go shopping? In combat gear of course!
68. How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it.
69. What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
70. Why don’t eggs tell each other knock-knock jokes? They’d crack each other up!
71. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
72. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
73. Where do you find a tamed military unit? In the rearguard!
74. Why are military camouflage the best? Because you can’t see them coming 😉
75. What do you call a Line Commander who’s 7 minutes late? A SEVEN-MINUTE MAN!
76. How do crazy paratroopers go shopping? In combat gear of course!
77. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
78. What’s the best way to stop navy sauce boiling over the sides of the pan? Send in the marines!
79. Where do generals keep their armies? In their sleevies!
80. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
81. Why don’t eggs tell each other knock-knock jokes? They’d crack each other up!
82. Why don’t penguins pay for their meals at restaurants? Because they’re already on the house!
83. How does the army build strong bodies? With basic training chow!
84. Why are deserts ill-tempered? Because they’re always being crossed!
85. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
86. Why is the general’s hat so big? To shade his huge brains, of course!
87. I got caught taking my military tank for a joyride the other day. I guess you could say it was not okay to take the AMTRACK out for fun.
88. Why don’t chickens always tell accurate jokes? Because they tend to egg-zaggerate!
89. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
90. Why is Michael Jackson such a great sergeant? He’s aSmooth Criminal!
91. Why does the ocean say ‘no’ to military posts? Because it has NO authority!
92. Why don’t eggs tell knock knock jokes? They’d crack each other up!
93. What kind of cars do construction workers drive? Bulldozers of course!
94. Why don’t you iron four-star generals? Because they OUTrank you!
95. What do you call spies that don’t do anything? Colonel Mustard in the Diplomat Room with the Candlestick!
96. Why can’t helicopters be in the military? Because they’re afraid of getting ROTOR turned!
97. What’s the best way to find out if a soldier is dirty? Roll call!
98. How do crazy soldiers go shopping? In COMBAT gear!
99. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? NACHO cheese!
100. How do military wives say hello to each other? C-4!

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Military dad jokes can be a source of humor and entertainment, but they can also be a source of controversy and conflict. Use them wisely and responsibly, and enjoy the laughter they bring. And remember, the best military dad joke is the one that makes everyone smile!