150 One Liners Short Jokes

Get a laugh with our collection of one-liner short jokes. The best one-liner short jokes to make you chuckle.!

+100 One-Liners That Will Make Your Day (Even If It’s Not Going So Well)

These 100 one-liners are guaranteed to make your day. Whether you’re feeling down or just need a pick-me-up, these one-liners will put a smile on your face.

1. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
2. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
3. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
4. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
5. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
6. What do you call security outside of a Samsung Store? Guardians of the Galaxy!
7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
8. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
9. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner – all it was doing was gathering dust.
10. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s too tired!
11. Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
12. I wanted to be on a jury, but I wasn’t selected. I guess they thought I was biased.
13. Why is a bra singular and plural? Because there is no plural for bra.
14. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
15. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
16. I got an 80s video camera for my birthday – such a retro gift!
17. What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
18. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s too tired!
19. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired.
20. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
21. Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore!
22. What do you call a sad coffee? Disappointed.
23. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
24. Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
25. When does a joke become a “dad” joke? When it becomes apparent.
26. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
27. Why can’t you play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
28. I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it!
29. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
30. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
31. Why don’t you want to play cards on the Titanic? Too many partners!
32. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
33. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
34. Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore!
35. I tried to catch fog yesterday… mist.
36. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
37. Why can’t a bicycle stand on it’s own? Because it’s too tired.
38. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
39. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s too tired.
40. What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while I go on ahead.
41. Why don’t pesky insects always come with warning labels? Because they’re bug’n me!
42. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s too tired.
43. Why was six scared of seven? Because seven eight nine.
44. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
45. Why don’t pirates take a shower? They just wash up on shore.
46. A tea bag was talking to a coffee bean. “You’re quite weak,” said the bean. “Just add hot water,” replied the bag.
47. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
48. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up!
49. What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod!
50. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
51. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
52. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
53. I used to be a banker but then I lost interest.
54. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they wash up on shore!
55. My friend tries to be cool by constantly saying “What up?” but he’s not really very good at it. No pun intended.
56. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
57. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh
58. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me!
59. Why don’t crazy people go on berry picking trips? Because they don’t like raisinsanity!
60. Why doesn’t Dracula’s motorcycle have a sidecar? Because he’s always been a loner.
61. What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while I go on ahead.
62. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
63. Why can’t a bicycle stand alone? Because it’s two tired!
64. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
65. Why do chickens make great detectives? They always find the clues!
66. My physics teacher told me to think positive. So now I can’t think negative.
67. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
68. How do crazy people go on a trip? They take a loony bin!
69. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!
70. How did I lose 1.5 pounds? I cut off my thumbs.
71. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Then it’d be a foot!
72. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
73. I got my new keyboard working today. It’s mazing!
74. Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One looks over and says, “Sure is hot in here!” The other screams, “AAAAAAhhhhhhh, a talking muffin!”
75. The liar told his lawyer that everything he said was a lie. Is the liar lying?
76. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s too tired.
77. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
78. What do you call security outside of the Samsung Store? Guardians of the Galaxy!
79. Why do bees stay inside their hives in the winter? Swarm.
80. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
81. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up!
82. What did the produce do at lunch time? It lettuce eat.
83. Doctor: I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live. Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Days? Weeks? YEARS? Doctor: Numbers.
84. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore!
85. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
86. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
87. How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.
88. Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired!
89. What do you call security outside of an apple store? Guardians of the Galaxty.
90. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
91. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s too tired.
92. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
93. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
94. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? It was two tired.
95. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired.
96. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
97. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired.
98. I was trying to buy lingerie but couldn’t find any in my size; turns out they only had onesizefits
99. What’s the shortest joke in the world? — A joke that relies on timing!
100. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s too tired!
101. I tried to catch some fog yesterday. I mist.
102. A termite walks into a bar and says “Is the bar tender here?”
103. I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown shirt next time!
104. Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired.
105. I got some new shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
106. Want to hear a pizza joke? Naan.
107. I was wondering why the frisbee seemed to get bigger. Then it hit me.
108. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They’d crack each other up.
109. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
110. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner…Dust was the only thing it was picking up nowadays.
111. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? They’re two tired!

50 One-Liners Short Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

These 50 one-liners short jokes are so funny, you’ll laugh out loud. From classic jokes to new ones you’ve never heard before, these one-liners are sure to tickle your funny bone.

1. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
2. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
3. I’m not sure if I’m an optimist or a pessimist. But I’m definitely a realist.
4. I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
5. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
6. I’m reading a book about paranoia. I keep thinking someone is reading over my shoulder.
7. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
8. I’m not a very good procrastinator. I’ll tell you about it later.
9. I’m not a very good speller. But I can spell disaster.
10. I’m not a very good liar. But I can tell a good one.
11. I’m not a very good actor. But I can play dead.
12. I’m not a very good singer. But I can carry a tune.
13. I’m not a very good dancer. But I can move my feet.
14. I’m not a very good cook. But I can heat up a can.
15. I’m not a very good driver. But I can get there eventually.
16. I’m not a very good swimmer. But I can float.
17. I’m not a very good golfer. But I can play with my friends.
18. I’m not a very good fisherman. But I can catch a cold.
19. I’m not a very good carpenter. But I can hammer a nail.
20. I’m not a very good electrician. But I can light a bulb.
21. I’m not a very good plumber. But I can fix a leak.
22. I’m not a very good handyman. But I can fix a broken heart.
23. I’m not a very good comedian. But I can make you laugh.
24. I’m not a very good poet. But I can write you a limerick.
25. I’m not a very good artist. But I can draw a stick figure.
26. I’m not a very good musician. But I can sing in the shower.
27. I’m not a very good writer. But I can write a one-liner.
28. I’m not a very good person. But I’m trying to be better.
29. I’m not a very good joke. But I’m funny sometimes.
30. I’m not a very good friend. But I’m trying to be a better one.
31. I’m not a very good lover. But I’m trying to be a better one.
32. I’m not a very good husband. But I’m trying to be a better one.
33. I’m not a very good father. But I’m trying to be a better one.
34. I’m not a very good mother. But I’m trying to be a better one.
35. I’m not a very good person. But I’m trying to be better.
36. I’m not a photographer, but I can frame a picture.
37. I’m not a doctor, but I can prescribe a good time.
38. I’m not a lawyer, but I know how to get out of a jam.
39. I’m not a plumber, but I can make a splash.
40. I’m not a politician, but I can promise you the world.
41. I’m not a magician, but I can disappear with your problems.
42. I’m not a chef, but I can make you feel special.
43. I’m not a singer, but I can serenade you with my love.
44. I’m not a poet, but I can write you a love poem.
45. I’m not a painter, but I can paint you a picture of our future together.
46. I’m not a musician, but I can play you a song of my heart.
47. I’m not a writer, but I can write you a story about us.
48. I’m not a comedian, but I can make you laugh until your sides hurt.
49. I’m not a genius, but I can make you feel like one.
50. I’m not perfect, but I’m perfect for you.
51. I’m not the best, but I’m the best for you.
52. I’m not the brightest, but I’m the brightest when I’m with you.
53. I’m not the strongest, but I’m the strongest when I’m holding you.
54. I’m not the fastest, but I’m the fastest when I’m running to you.
55. I’m not the richest, but I’m the richest when I have you.

I hope you enjoyed these one-liners short jokes and that could give you a small chuckle.