Get ready to score some serious laughs with our adult-friendly football jokes! From tackles to touchdowns, this post is sure to be a crowd-pleaser.
50 Hilarious Football Jokes for Adults: Tackling Humor Like a Pro
Are you ready to kick off some serious laughs? Whether you’re a die-hard football fan or just enjoy a good joke, we’ve got you covered with 50 of the best football jokes for adults.
From witty one-liners to punny plays on words, these jokes cover everything from touchdowns to tackles, referees to rivalries. So grab a cold one, settle in on the couch, and get ready to chuckle your way through this hilarious collection.
Warning: these jokes may cause excessive snickering, groans, and eye-rolling. But hey, that’s all part of the fun, right? Let’s get started!
- Why did the skeleton always left out of the football game? Because he had no body to go with.
- What did the mummy football coach say at the end of practice? “Let’s wrap this up!”
- What would you get if you crossed a football player and the Invisible Man? Football like no one has ever seen.
- What do a bad football team and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
- What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Dallas Cowboys.
- When is a football player like a judge? When he sits on the bench.
- What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A football coach.
- Why can’t the Detroit Lions player get into his own driveway? Someone painted an endzone on it.
- Why can’t you play football with pigs? They hog the ball.
- How are scrambled eggs like a losing football team? They’ve both been beaten.
- Which football team has the coolest helmets? The one with the most fans.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Uriah. Uriah who? Keep Uriah on the ball.
- Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball!
- What is called when a dinosaur gets a goal? A dino-score!
- Which soccer player has the biggest cleats? The one with the biggest feet!
- Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to use their heads!
- What’s the best state to shop for a soccer uniform? New Jersey!
- Why did the referee give the chicken a yellow card? He fowled the defender.
- What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!
- I left two [insert team] tickets on my dashboard yesterday. Someone smashed the window and left two more.
- Why was the footballer upset on their birthday? They got a red card!
- What do you call someone who stands inside goalposts and stops the ball rolling away? A goal-keeper, obviously!
- My computer’s got the ‘Bad-Goalie Virus’. It can’t save anything.
- How did the football pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!
- Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? They were the skipper!
- How do football players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans!
- What do you call a [insert team here] player in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee!
- Are lightning bolts good at football? No, they’re shocking!
- What football club do sheep support? Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-rcelona.
- What do you call a football manager who’s always late for training? A Mourinho.
- Why did the football player cross the road? To get to the other side.
- What’s the difference between a football player and a baby? A baby stops crying after a few years.
- Why did the football player fall off the swing? Because he forgot to tie his laces.
- What do you call a football player who’s always injured? A liability.
- Why did the football player go to the library? To check out some books.
- What do you call a football player who’s always offside? A cheat.
- Why did the football player get fired from his job? He kept taking the ball home with him.
- What do you call a football player who’s always late for practice? A slacker.
- Why did the football player get lost in the woods? Because he kept following the yellow brick road.
- What do you call a football player who’s always tired? A couch potato.
- Why did the football player get a speeding ticket? He was running down the wing.
- What do you call a football player who’s always hungry? A glutton.
- Why did the football player get fired from his job? He kept kicking the bucket.
- What do you call a football player who’s always broke? A pauper.
- Why did the football player get lost in the desert? He kept following the white line.
- Why did the football player get a divorce? He kept throwing the ball to the other woman.
- What do you call a football player who’s always angry? A hothead.
- Why did the football player get arrested? He was caught offside.
- What do you call a football player who’s always talking? A windbag.
- Why did the football player get a bad haircut? He went to a barber who was a bit of a winger.
Conclusion
In conclusion, laughter truly is the best medicine, especially when it comes to football jokes for adults. Whether you’re a hardcore fan or just enjoy a good laugh, these 50 jokes are sure to score big.
From clever puns to witty one-liners, they cover all aspects of the game, from the players to the coaches, the referees to the fans. So the next time you’re watching a game with friends, break the ice with one of these jokes and see if you can get a touchdown on the humor front.
Remember, a good sense of humor is an essential part of being a true football pro!
